Dealing With Rude Comments

Have you ever been a victim of hateful comments?

It's not uncommon for bloggers to receive rude comments and emails from readers. While there's not much you can do about the emails (delete them, and block the persistant haters if they're getting you down), there's a little more involved when it comes to comments being displayed on your blog for the rest of the world to see.

Keep a tight grip on reality.

Sometimes there's a fine line between 'helpful' criticism and disrespectful comments, and it can be hard to define a difference, especially when we're frustrated. Try to keep a logical point of view. The better you understand the situation, the easier it is to manage it.

Keep your composure.

Yes, the words left by problematic visitors can be quite bothersome, but I think it's best not to let these people get the best of you. After all, is it really worth getting worked up over something so petty and childish? Chances are, these people are only looking for attention and if that's the case, don't even bother giving it to them. Leave that drama to the high school kids who have nothing better to do with their time.

Do not respond to derogatory comments.

Again, it's just not worth your time. Sometimes attacking back can make you look just as bad as the one who started it. It takes two to tango.. or argue. Remember that.

I haven't received many rude comments on my blogs over the years, but I have gotten at least a hundred emails voicing attacks on a more personal level. As frustrating as it may be, I've found it's best to just hit 'delete' and move on with my day as if nothing happened. I don't know these people, they don't know me, and they obviously don't care to. So why should I give a damn about them? (You may have a different view based on your experiences, and I'd love to hear it.)

Of course, there is always that rare exception. Some people are witty enough to turn that negative talk into something positive. If you're daring and can manage to get lots of publicity and hundreds of comments by doing so, have at it. But take caution- know where to draw the line.

Consider moderating your comments.

If you find that disrespectful people are becoming a common issue, it may be best to moderate your comments before they display on your blog. If you choose to take this route, make sure you're around to do the work. Many people will return to a blog to see if their comment has been approved and/or replied to, and if you're not available to moderate your comments, that tends to lessen the interactivity of your blog. This can be quite discouraging to your loyal readers.

Form a comment policy.

What don't you tolerate, and what action(s) do you think you should take to manage the situation? Do the same thing every time, no exceptions.

In the case of IGTB, I think of this place like my home (which it is, on the net). Friends are welcome here any time, but I don't tolerate people wandering in only to stir up trouble by disrespecting me. Derogatory comments will be deleted, just like I would make an offensive person leave my house. I don't like drama in my personal space- I have enough of that negative junk to deal with every day, and there's no need for any more. I find that a relaxed atmosphere is most comfortable, and I'll do what is needed to ensure it stays that way.

What about you? How do you deal with rude comments?

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Comments

[Dean's Design Ideas]

Thanks for a great article! Interesting to read and you are right about all. :) Keep up the good work! :)

[Walk Through Money Online Journal]

Well I think we cannot really avoid id*ot people. But to be positive about it, I thought about this people of being jealous. Why do they have to spend their time commenting if they really think that the idea we just wrote was a junk?

[Michele]

If on topic, I tend to leave the rude comments; within reason. I will clean them up if they are peppered with four-letter words. But, I leave the really terrible grammar as is - tends to further show the intelligence of the idiots.

A few of the rude and dissenting comments on my blog have led to wonderful discussions of the topic. What I find really interesting with the entire phenomenon is how often other visitors to a blog will blast the rude person and stick up for the blogger, even when the defender is also a first time visitor to the blog.

All that said, any blogger who does not exercise editorial control over the comments left on their site is just inviting the comment spammers to come and further destroy the viability of the blog.

[ManoDogs]

Haha! How serendipitous!

I agree with what you say and I generally take this approach, but I am gearing-up to make some major changes to my blog and in so doing, I came across a particularly nasty commenter from a year ago.

I was into home-computing back in the 1980s with my TI and Commo64 and all that, but I really got into it around 1992-93. I ran my own BBS and all of that. Nowadays, 90% of netizens not only don't remember those days, they aren't even aware they existed! But back then, "flaming" was just part of being online. BBSes had entire forums dedicated to it and you weren't anybody on a BBS until you'd been in a flamewar. When things got heated in a different forum, you expected the flood of "Take it to Flame" posts to follow.

So I came across this person's awful comments, that I had all but forgotten, last night after spending the entire day wrestling with nesting tables, hacking templates, and so-forth, and upon reading them, I just lost it!

I usually don't bother, but - again - I am from the Old Days and I know darned well how to flame someone, and the teenager in me just came out. But I have to admit, unlike many a drunken e-mail/post/IM, I did not and do not regret laying into her. I just wish I had posted the entry I made shortly after she commented and then e-mailed me, telling me, "Maybe you should spend some time figuring out what the hell you are doing before you try to design a commercial site," instead of just drafting it.

Here is the link to the comments:

http://manodogs.blogspot.com/2007/02/big-money-opps-on-ppp.html#c5657633042693590052

Good post!

[Tom Kephart]

"Again, it's just not worth your time. Sometimes attacking back can make you look just as bad as the one who started it. It takes two to tango.. or argue. Remember that."

Outstanding. A common sense approach from real life that, unfortunately, many real life people forget to live by as well.

Thanks, Raivyn, for the reminders!

[A Week In The Life of A Redhead]

I agree that rude offensive comments should be moderated. In the case of Casey Serin with his very popular "I am facing foreclosure" blog, the haters ruined the site. Who wants to go read hundreds of evil nasty comments on a website every day? It gets old fast. I grew tired of seeing it, and found it distracted from the purpose of his blog, so I stopped reading the blog. Eventually the experience bled into his personal life and he gave up blogging. I personally would not give readers that much power. I love that readers stop by and want to participate and add to the conversation ... but if they just show up to be mean, I aquate it with scribbles on a bathroom wall and don't allow it in my comments. BUT, that's just me, and I am, after all ... a redhead.
Great post Raivyn.
Catherine, the redhead

[ven]

Hi Raivyn :)

Thanks for responding to my question, it will take a while for me to get used to bad/rude comments, but as usual you've managed to educate me with your tips :) I also like the link you included - she is one funny gal! again, thank you, you've bagged a subscriber to your blog for life!

@dean's design ideas - Why do they have to spend their time commenting if they really think that the idea we just wrote was a junk? - Good point!

Keep writing :)

[Max Miroff]

My "angry comment" philosophy is to point and laugh.

[David G. Miller;]

A good example of a very successful blog that doesn't allow rude or obscene comments is GrokLaw. PJ has even been known to censor comments that use lots of non-alphabetic characters. I would take her following as an indication that keeping a successful blog clean is a possibility.

I think the main thing though is to understand your readers. If your blog is family oriented then you probably don't want *any* extreme postings. On the other hand, the expression "flame war" came about on the Internet long before blogs and such. If your blog is about politics or something else that people have strong feelings about, you'll probably get some flame postings from time to time.

If you choose to edit comments, chances are you can't be fair or even consistent since we all have a tendency to cut some slack to the people we agree with. Just be careful. I know of at least one technical BBS that drove away enough of their community by censoring posts that their traffic took a hit. Keep that in mind.

Cheers,
Dave

[Jay]

Honestly, I would display ALL negative comments because they tend to stir up some drama. And it always helps with getting more visitors to your site, whether it's good or bad.

Jay
DatMoney.com

[Irishrose]

Thank-you for this great advice. Do you happen to have something on what to do with spam. Again, thank-you!!! Wisdom speaks!!